If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken

and the signs are unclear

and I don't know the reason

why You brought me here.

But just because You love me

the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

if You want me to.

No I'm not who I was

when I took my first step

and I'm clinging to the promise

You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials

bring me closer to You

then I'll go through the fire

if You want me to.

It may not be the way

I would have chosen

when You lead me through a world

that's not my home

but You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone.

So if the whole world turns against me
and I'm all by myself

and I can't hear You answer

my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering

You're love put You through

and I'll go through the valley

if You want me to.

I'll go through the valley

if You want me to.

-Ginny Owens

**I do feel alone here, when I choose to forget Christ. I cannot do it without Him. It is impossible. I see that more and more. I want to learn how to practice His presence. Alas, even my mother reminds me often of my forgetfulness... oh Lord, have mercy on me: a human. A human who desperately needs You as she is going through the valley... Lord, please remind people to pray for me, as I also desperately need their prayers.

Lord, You know how I struggle.

Christmas in the Philippines!

The Lord blessed me with Ate Pen's family to spend Christmas day with! First time eating rice and ox's tongue as a Christmas dinner (and they only told me that after I had my second helping!) It was a wonderful day full of...um...many different things! I am so blessed.

Mt. Pinatubo. This volcano erupted in 1991 and we had the privilege of climbing it! The hike started out with a 1 hour drive in a 4x4 which was my first experience. We then hiked through rocks and creeks and bush to get to the crater's edge.

Once we got to the top the scene was spectacular! After taking some random pictures we went down to the water. The water was warm and I conveniently had my baithing suit on and so did the guys so we jumped in! How wonderful it was...

The "mom" shot. Always have to take one of these.Asia is so mysterious to me...and so wonderful.

story of the 23rd

So I decided to celebrate my Christmas on the 23rd since I would be alone.
I cooked my favourite (squash) and some eggs with green tea.
(Really, I do like it!)
Then I thought to myself..."if I were to have a family some day would they eat this?"
Probably not.
I laughed and continued cooking, hoping my skills would improve some time soon.
Once I had cooked I set my plate of food on my window sill and turned off the lights, for I had wanted to see the beautiful city lights from where I would sit.
Alas, it was too dark.
I then remembered my small string of Christmas lights -
what a brilliant idea!
I wanted to read the Christmas story at my window so I also retrieved my Bible.
I then plugged in the Christmas lights and -
BZZZZZZ!!!
Yes, I was electricuted!
I screamed at the top of my lungs for I could not let go of the lights!
It was tramatizing to say the least (for that long 2 seconds).
The lights burned out and I threw them across the room
(maybe out of fear....maybe out of anger...maybe because my hand was burning)
Then I laughed.
Oh how I laughed at my silly little girl's scream and my lights that were strewn across the room.
--
So I sat with my bright flourescent light eating and reading
and wished myself and all those who heard my girly scream
a merry christmas.
:)

more parties...

This is one of the Christmas parties held in Tondo, Light of Men Church. Here they are handing out the gift bags on the stage (rice and other foods) for the families.

Some of the leaders and I went back to the church afterward and the youth had a practise for a hip hop dance they are going to perform for Christmas. I love this church - I can't explain why...I can just see that they love Christ...
Me and Kuya Rico on the way home in the van. Good times in the van.

How I wish I could explain everything.....

How I wish I could explain...

Pictures may say a 1000 words, but I need to say 1,000,000 words to explain....

hunger.

[This is part of an e-mail I wrote to a close friend. Just a rant.]
I just finished reading George Muller's biography last week. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep one's self from being polluted by the world." (James something)
I'm reading a book now (yes, a novel) by Randy Alcorn, "Safely Home". It has stirred me. If you haven't read it, the main idea revolves around the persecuted Church in China. There is one character in the book who goes around smuggling Bibles. He calls himself, "God's donkey" because he carries precious cargo. He said, "Our people [the Chinese] are starving for God's Word. What kind of man would I be if I did not feed the hungry?" This made me cry. For I personally own almost 10 Bibles and have only read through the entire Book once. I do not hunger for it.
And how could I feed others if I myself am not hungry? How selfish...
Now, I am not trying to put myself down, for that is not my motive. My first and foremost desire is to believe that God is worth being hungry for - His Words are worth starving for - His Words are worth feeding to others who are starving.
Now about what is written in James: "...to keep one's self from being polluted by the world." Another character in the book (a Chinese man) talks with an American. He says, "We still have our idols, the demons that have plagued China. And now we have your idols. America's idols. Materialism. Pleasure. Entertainment. Worship of celebrities. Obsession with sex. Food. Fame." .....keeping self from being influenced by the world....
I had to confess to the Lord some of my idols I have carried with me from my comfortable Canadian country. One was pleasure: with food, with being comfortable, with entertainment, with being free to buy many things... None of these things are bad in themselves, but I had realized that they often came before my time with God and even God Himself. But my struggle is this: I am not hungry. I am not hungry. I have everything. Even here, when most things are uncomfortable and I do sacrifice some things, I still have security. I can have almost anything I want when I want it. Therefore, I am not hungry for God's Word, I am not truly thirsty for Him - for I can "fill" myself with so many other things....so comfortably... Sure, there are times when I am passionate for God and learn much with Him and about Him - but the passion needs to be fueled ONLY by Him or it will die down.
I am tired of living for me. I feel so much like the rich young man who said, "Sorry, Jesus, I know you asked me to sell all my possessions and give it to the poor, but how I love my stuff. It's too hard."
This all may sound as though I have become a pessimist, but please don't take it that way. This is why I write to you: I have hope that God will rescue me for the sole purpose of bringing glory to Himself and then to His people who need to be fed. For in my eyes it is impossible for me, a rich Canadian girl, to ever become hungry for God because I am a rich young woman. But "with God ALL things are possible!" Amen? This is what makes me excited - because I believe that God "will give me the desires of my heart" because I am seeking Him and when I "seek Him I will find Him"!
This is my prayer. I desire to be hungry for Him - for His glory, for feeding His sheep.
I also have a selfish prayer: I desire to live in China someday with the Christians that are being persecuted. This is an ignorant prayer, perhaps also a bit childish, but the Lord knows my heart. Or perhaps my prayer will change and I will desire to live with the sick and dying Canadians who, like me, try and fix their lives and fill themselves with poisonous idols.

Just a rant from my heart.

caroling

This is actually the merket where I buy most of my food. The bakery where I buy my favourite "pundi coco" is right beside it... [sometimes videos are better than pictures...]

it's the eyes....always the eyes...

Cavite Dump Site

How many mixed emotions can you fit into one place?
Ate Pen and a Pastora in Cavite brought me to the Landfill area in Cavite.
Entering the area you pass through a grave site but the tombs are not layed in the ground they are built up on a platform or a small house is made around them. Once you get past the graves then comes the garbage. And the homes.
There is a whole community that lives in this landfill area. So many parents and many more kids. Thousands.
We met many people from the church (yes, the church is in the dump) and their kids.
I was so overwhelmed and wondering how these little naked kids could grow up in such a place.
The ocean.
The landfill is placed right on the ocean. I had not noticed it. It looked like a beach of garbage.
I didn't even know what to think. Or how to feel.
...

so this morning...

I woke up late.
Got up, showered and shivered,
then realized it was Sunday.
I prayed over my bag (so it wouldn't be stolen)
and hopped on my bike to go to church.
The english speaking church!
I then decided I wanted to try and find a mall to go Christmas shopping.
Got lost.
Found the mall, parked my bike, and went in.
Only to find out it was the wrong place: not even a mall.
Went out to retrieve my bike.
Flat tire.
Hobbled to the mall (finally) and again parked my wounded bike.
Got past security and was overwhelmed by how crowded it was!
Tried to find a place that made soup.
Found it and sat down.
Mmmm...Snow Crab soup...
I then decided I was too overwhelmed to shop and I really had no idea how I was going to get home with a flat tire so I made my way out of the mall trying my best to hold back my frustration and almost tears.
Sure enough - I had parked my bike beside a machanic's shop.
A handsom young boy filled my tire for free...
Hummed a Christmas tune on the way home.
Had a cup of tea.
"For do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own..."

picture taking

My heart was torn taking pictures during the Christmas Parties.
I only took 5 pictures the whole time.
My struggle is because of exploitation.
I didn't know what that word truly meant until I began seeing it first hand.
I feel ashamed for my skin sometimes because so many white people have taken advantage of Filipinos.
I never want to be misunderstood for taking an innocent picture...
so I chose not to take any.
I will, although, be putting up pictures because many of my Filipino friends did take pictures. Once I recieve those I will post them.

smokey moutain

it's called that because it's truly a mountain of garbage...

it is home to over 20,000 people.

it is the work place of these people.

Many "why's" came into mind.

We were able to give a Christmas party for about 600 kids and their families. We set up games including free popcorn, icecream and cotton candy! We then gave out grocery bags to the families and gift bags to the kids. They all gathered in a covered area at the end for a puppet show that presented the gospel.

The building behind me is home to these kids. There are 21 buildings, 5 stories high, that the government built. In these buildings it is home to 18,000 people. I was able to visit one of the buildings at night time. While I was climing the stairs, seeing the "homes" and smelling the thick smells while several kids grabbed at my arms I told the Lord, "Uh, Father, this is what I had imagined Hell to look like." He immedietly asked me, "So, Robynn, you don't think I'm here? You don't think I'm doing good things here? Really? Open your eyes, Robynn." Sure enough I did and the kids with their big brown eyes were smiling at me...

Oh may I never look through my eyes! The Lord is doing much much more than I know of...

and that is how we could even hold a party for 600 kids living in a dump.

always remember

we look at the same moon...

although tonight, mine was better.!

with the 2 stars and the moon it made me...

smile.

no words

hindi po ako naiintindihan buket...
[i don't understand why...]

vessel

"but even if I am being poured out like a drink offering...
I am glad and rejoice." - Phil.
-----
i had no idea how wonderfully, beautifully, difficult
it would be
to be a vessel;
to be poured out like wine;
to be an empty, fragile jar of clay.
it is obviously not me -
for i am selfish and desire to be
full,
strong,
confident in myself...
when all He asked was for me to be willing
and humble,
to be poured out:

to be His vessel.

geko

Some people have no idea

how beautiful their heart really is.

today

i need a hug.

I know I'm fitting in with the Asians when:

*I see a geko in my shower and the first thing I want to do is take a picture.
-
*I start laughing at everything - even when I almost get hit by a car.
-
*I crave rice.
-
*I see a white person I stare.

ps - I love Asians.

i'm thirsty

for more of You...

funny how

you recieve things when you least expect it.
I just got braces.
I've prayed for years and years...
it is 8 times cheaper here...
the Lord is good.

I found

my lost love for running.
I knew it was there,
hiding in my passion somewhere.
But out of fear I chose not to seek for it.
But it found me!
I can no longer fear the Filipinos on the crowded streets -
how can I when I have Christ?
He is my Man.
He is my first love.
And how wonderful that He also shares my joy of running.
He goes with me...
My big, strong Filipino God.
...

my window is still my favourite place to sit in my house.

every single night the sun sets at 6pm.

you would think that in a city of 14 million you wouldn't be able to see the stars...

but you can.

but when the sun sets and I just happen to be home...

you'll find me sitting in my window.

[and perhaps roasting some bannock over a candle]

if only i were more ________.

I was disturbed.

Waiting in line in the mall's bathroom I watched beautiful Asian woman powder their faces.

To make their skin more white.

At home, I watch beautiful Canadian woman brush on bronzer.

To make their skin more tanned.

...why is it that we always want what we can't have?...

...where is our contentment?...

I'm so sorry, Lord.

here!

Teaching a boy to colour at Mercy Ministries: a drop in center for street youth and kids.

Yes, I am finally here in the Philippines. I"ve now been here for 3 weeks so I feel quite settled and at home here. This is the view from my apartment. There are 2 rooms where I stay: one for cooking and sitting and the other is my bed room. It is a perfect place for me!
This is my very good friend, Ate Pen. She is the one who brings me to the different ministries and travels with me. We are so similar in many ways and she encourages me much. For the first month I will be visiting all the different ministries here and then I will choose which one I will focus on.
This is one of the ministries I have already started to be involved with. The church is called JK and it is for youth. I am mentoring some of the younger youth leaders and also playing the keyboard in their band. Most of the youth have come from rough homes/no homes so there is much need here.
Some kids from the Kanawan Tribe. Our team will be spending a week with this tribe at Christmas time for a big party! The location of this tribe is 3 hours from Manila, up in the mountains.
There is much oppertunity for me to use the skills God has blessed me with. At this church I had the privilege to play a special number.

**God has been so very close to me during my stay here - I wish I could explain how much I value our relationship. I chose to give myself to Him so He would use me how He desired. I am still confident that this is where He wants to use me!

PRAYER: thank the Lord that He is working in mighty ways here! Also thank Him for never leaving me and for being my close friend. Thank Him for giving me 2 good friends to encourage me and teach me about the Filipino culture. Pray that I will stick close to Christ so that I can hear clearly from Him which ministry to choose. Pray that satan will have no hold on me, especially when I am lonely.

Thankyou for praying for me and for encouraging me!

I will be leaving for the Philippines on September 16th for 8 months!

This is very exciting to me for I know that this is what God wants me to do to serve Him this year.

I drew this picture a while back. I was thinking about leaving things behind when I go on my trip: relationships especially. The man in the middle is Christ (whome I trust) and I have given Him my fishing rod. I trust Him to do what He wants with it, whether it is letting the 'fish' go or if He will keep the rod in the water.

I trust Him to help me with my relationships and decide where they should go....as I am far away and cannot hold onto all of them....

w.e.d.d.i.n.g.

to the beautiful couple...

thinking

A friend and I were chatting.
He commented on how often people talk about empty things.
I commented on how often people fear silence.
We both decided that people
fear
to think.
People fear to think.
A fear of being challenged.
A fear of being convicted.
A fear of being uncomfortable.
Let us never fear to think -
to chat about meaningful things - things of Christ -
to soak up silence - to be still and know that He is God.

SHuswaps .08

on the way there.... what a lovely drive with great people!



lesson learned - don't ever fall asleep! Bad bad ogopogo may just come out and eat you!

[GRAD.2008]

ladies ladies now

empty out of self

fill up with Him.

[repeat]

A manly man/womanly woman

**When you are able to face reality-
not trying to escape the hard things/challenges in life;
trying to make the best out of every situation,
that's when you are indeed a manly man/womanly woman.
-Dennis S.

in se cu re

...i think everyone is insecure...

so we should be

gentle...

rimma+sophia+olya+robynn+airplains+tomatoe juice on the airplain+training for "missions"**+ontario=a sweet trip!!
**I have a struggle with the word "missions" because I think most people refer to it as something you DO rather than a LIFESTYLE.... ???

sassy and sleepy
oh mama
"woman, get off me!"
ladies ladies.