and I'm all by myself
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
If You Want Me To
and I'm all by myself
Monday, December 29, 2008
Christmas in the Philippines!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
story of the 23rd
I cooked my favourite (squash) and some eggs with green tea.
(Really, I do like it!)
Then I thought to myself..."if I were to have a family some day would they eat this?"
Probably not.
I laughed and continued cooking, hoping my skills would improve some time soon.
Once I had cooked I set my plate of food on my window sill and turned off the lights, for I had wanted to see the beautiful city lights from where I would sit.
Alas, it was too dark.
I then remembered my small string of Christmas lights -
what a brilliant idea!
I wanted to read the Christmas story at my window so I also retrieved my Bible.
I then plugged in the Christmas lights and -
BZZZZZZ!!!
Yes, I was electricuted!
I screamed at the top of my lungs for I could not let go of the lights!
It was tramatizing to say the least (for that long 2 seconds).
The lights burned out and I threw them across the room
(maybe out of fear....maybe out of anger...maybe because my hand was burning)
Then I laughed.
Oh how I laughed at my silly little girl's scream and my lights that were strewn across the room.
--
So I sat with my bright flourescent light eating and reading
and wished myself and all those who heard my girly scream
a merry christmas.
:)
Monday, December 22, 2008
more parties...
Me and Kuya Rico on the way home in the van. Good times in the van.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
hunger.
I just finished reading George Muller's biography last week. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep one's self from being polluted by the world." (James something)
I'm reading a book now (yes, a novel) by Randy Alcorn, "Safely Home". It has stirred me. If you haven't read it, the main idea revolves around the persecuted Church in China. There is one character in the book who goes around smuggling Bibles. He calls himself, "God's donkey" because he carries precious cargo. He said, "Our people [the Chinese] are starving for God's Word. What kind of man would I be if I did not feed the hungry?" This made me cry. For I personally own almost 10 Bibles and have only read through the entire Book once. I do not hunger for it.
And how could I feed others if I myself am not hungry? How selfish...
Now, I am not trying to put myself down, for that is not my motive. My first and foremost desire is to believe that God is worth being hungry for - His Words are worth starving for - His Words are worth feeding to others who are starving.
Now about what is written in James: "...to keep one's self from being polluted by the world." Another character in the book (a Chinese man) talks with an American. He says, "We still have our idols, the demons that have plagued China. And now we have your idols. America's idols. Materialism. Pleasure. Entertainment. Worship of celebrities. Obsession with sex. Food. Fame." .....keeping self from being influenced by the world....
I had to confess to the Lord some of my idols I have carried with me from my comfortable Canadian country. One was pleasure: with food, with being comfortable, with entertainment, with being free to buy many things... None of these things are bad in themselves, but I had realized that they often came before my time with God and even God Himself. But my struggle is this: I am not hungry. I am not hungry. I have everything. Even here, when most things are uncomfortable and I do sacrifice some things, I still have security. I can have almost anything I want when I want it. Therefore, I am not hungry for God's Word, I am not truly thirsty for Him - for I can "fill" myself with so many other things....so comfortably... Sure, there are times when I am passionate for God and learn much with Him and about Him - but the passion needs to be fueled ONLY by Him or it will die down.
I am tired of living for me. I feel so much like the rich young man who said, "Sorry, Jesus, I know you asked me to sell all my possessions and give it to the poor, but how I love my stuff. It's too hard."
This all may sound as though I have become a pessimist, but please don't take it that way. This is why I write to you: I have hope that God will rescue me for the sole purpose of bringing glory to Himself and then to His people who need to be fed. For in my eyes it is impossible for me, a rich Canadian girl, to ever become hungry for God because I am a rich young woman. But "with God ALL things are possible!" Amen? This is what makes me excited - because I believe that God "will give me the desires of my heart" because I am seeking Him and when I "seek Him I will find Him"!
This is my prayer. I desire to be hungry for Him - for His glory, for feeding His sheep.
I also have a selfish prayer: I desire to live in China someday with the Christians that are being persecuted. This is an ignorant prayer, perhaps also a bit childish, but the Lord knows my heart. Or perhaps my prayer will change and I will desire to live with the sick and dying Canadians who, like me, try and fix their lives and fill themselves with poisonous idols.
Just a rant from my heart.
Friday, December 19, 2008
caroling
This is actually the merket where I buy most of my food. The bakery where I buy my favourite "pundi coco" is right beside it... [sometimes videos are better than pictures...]
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Cavite Dump Site
Ate Pen and a Pastora in Cavite brought me to the Landfill area in Cavite.
Entering the area you pass through a grave site but the tombs are not layed in the ground they are built up on a platform or a small house is made around them. Once you get past the graves then comes the garbage. And the homes.
There is a whole community that lives in this landfill area. So many parents and many more kids. Thousands.
We met many people from the church (yes, the church is in the dump) and their kids.
I was so overwhelmed and wondering how these little naked kids could grow up in such a place.
The ocean.
The landfill is placed right on the ocean. I had not noticed it. It looked like a beach of garbage.
I didn't even know what to think. Or how to feel.
...
Sunday, December 14, 2008
so this morning...
Got up, showered and shivered,
then realized it was Sunday.
I prayed over my bag (so it wouldn't be stolen)
and hopped on my bike to go to church.
The english speaking church!
I then decided I wanted to try and find a mall to go Christmas shopping.
Got lost.
Found the mall, parked my bike, and went in.
Only to find out it was the wrong place: not even a mall.
Went out to retrieve my bike.
Flat tire.
Hobbled to the mall (finally) and again parked my wounded bike.
Got past security and was overwhelmed by how crowded it was!
Tried to find a place that made soup.
Found it and sat down.
Mmmm...Snow Crab soup...
I then decided I was too overwhelmed to shop and I really had no idea how I was going to get home with a flat tire so I made my way out of the mall trying my best to hold back my frustration and almost tears.
Sure enough - I had parked my bike beside a machanic's shop.
A handsom young boy filled my tire for free...
Hummed a Christmas tune on the way home.
Had a cup of tea.
"For do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own..."
Saturday, December 13, 2008
picture taking
I only took 5 pictures the whole time.
My struggle is because of exploitation.
I didn't know what that word truly meant until I began seeing it first hand.
I feel ashamed for my skin sometimes because so many white people have taken advantage of Filipinos.
I never want to be misunderstood for taking an innocent picture...
so I chose not to take any.
I will, although, be putting up pictures because many of my Filipino friends did take pictures. Once I recieve those I will post them.
Friday, December 5, 2008
smokey moutain
The building behind me is home to these kids. There are 21 buildings, 5 stories high, that the government built. In these buildings it is home to 18,000 people. I was able to visit one of the buildings at night time. While I was climing the stairs, seeing the "homes" and smelling the thick smells while several kids grabbed at my arms I told the Lord, "Uh, Father, this is what I had imagined Hell to look like." He immedietly asked me, "So, Robynn, you don't think I'm here? You don't think I'm doing good things here? Really? Open your eyes, Robynn." Sure enough I did and the kids with their big brown eyes were smiling at me...
Oh may I never look through my eyes! The Lord is doing much much more than I know of...
and that is how we could even hold a party for 600 kids living in a dump.